I just received from your lawyer forty-two pages regarding the dissolution of our marriage (yes, I counted). He has thoughtfully provided three red-and-yellow stickers saying “Sign Here.” I will gladly sign everything, but I would first like to hear from you in your own words what you are proposing that we do. As you can imagine, I do not wish to talk to another lawyer. If the gist of this formidable document is that neither of us wants the other’s money, as well as that both of us will do our best to bring up our children, I will sign the lot and send it back at once. If you also tell me that you hope that both of us will strive to remain close forever because we once loved each other, I will he happy, too (yes, I am crying). I trust you will tell me the truth. I must.

Addendum I (February 18, 2003)

I sent this message last Friday morning. I found Lauren’s answer this morning. It is Tuesday already. She sent it yesterday after eight o’clock in the evening. As she does not respond to my questions concerning money and the children, I can assume two things. She was waiting all this time to hear from her lawyer, whom she asked for guidance, and he must have advised her not to say anything about her instructions regarding money and children. So, I am none the wiser. Besides, her message is quite incoherent. All she actually wishes to tell me is that she needs to be loved.

Addendum II (February 19, 2003)

This week I am very busy teaching a five-day module of a master’s course I share with a colleague from our sister department dealing with real estate and planning. This morning I found some time to think through my next move with Lauren. Here is the key paragraph with my questions rephrased and sharpened:

My questions for you were simple and I expected a simple answer. In short, what are your lawyer’s instructions? As for me, I do not want any of your money. I hope you do not want any of mine, either. To be sure, I do not have much. Also, I want to be able to see the children more often and I want to spend more time with them when I see them. I hope you wish them to have a father, too. Given our past and the children we share, I want us to become close again, albeit not as man and wife. I hope you wish the same thing and for the same reason. Your thoughts on these issues would be valuable to us both.

In the next paragraph I return to our children. That is, I turn to whatever she is doing or not doing to make sure the little ones stay in touch with me. Here goes:

Now, I have been cut off from the children pretty completely. Nearly a month ago I sent them a picture of us last April, but I have not heard from them yet. If they do not feel an urge to respond, I believe you should foster it. You should help them do a little bit to bridge this horrendous chasm in space and time.

Then I turn to my schedule in view of their upcoming visit. I explain in detail why any changes in Lauren’s plans would be pretty difficult to adjust to. This has to do both with my travel plans and my teaching obligations in Reading. But in the last paragraph I return to the two of us:

With care and consideration, we can turn a new page in our lives. Once the divorce is behind us, we will have other reasons to stay in touch and to develop a new relationship based on care and love. By and by, we may even start to understand what had happened while we were husband and wife. Leaving large wounds unattended is not wise. It is up to us to help each other in this regard.

In my own mind, this adds up to a lovely and loving message. Although I now need to hear from Lauren regarding her instructions to her lawyer, I do hope that we will gradually come out of this quagmire and meet again on new terms. Our great love years ago and our children deserve our every effort. I cannot but hope she will eventually agree with me on all this and join me in an effort to resolve our differences and start building something new. No matter what she does or does not do, I must keep prodding her in the right direction.

Addendum III (February 20, 2003)

This time Lauren responded the same day, but her message turned out to be very terse and quite dismissive. She sees no possibility for any sort of rapprochement between us. She has suffered for too long, she explains. Most important, she sees no way for me to re-establish contact with children except by coming to spend time with them in Los Angeles. Their silence is of their own doing, she claims. On top of everything, she informed me that they would not come to London for the month of July, as she originally planned. However, they will come for a week in April, and that will be their last visit before I leave for Istria. The way she puts it, they will come to say goodbye. In short, all my attempts to come to some kind of agreement with Lauren have come to naught. Now I have to plough through those forty-two pages of legal claptrap and make up my own mind on whether to sign or not to sign the whole thing.