At fifty-four, I am pretty sure I could not suffer the indignities of old age for very long. The boredom, the stultifying boredom… However inelegant, suicide is the only viable option. The question is not whether but when. And how. Exactly when is not a burning issue at this moment, nor is it likely to become one in the foreseeable future, but there is no reason to wait to learn exactly how. Making sure everything is ready at the right moment may take some time, maybe even a lot of time. Special tools may need to be acquired and maintained in the state of readiness. Contingencies and alternatives must be considered. Detailed plans need to be developed. All this will require a great deal of delicacy and secrecy at each and every stage of preparation culminating in execution. At fifty-four, there is no time to waste any longer.

Addendum (September 4, 2000)

Today’s Times carries a story about Stephan Körner and his wife, Edith, who had committed suicide on August 18. Having planned their last act together for forty years, they died according to plan. In the article, he is presented as a brilliant philosophy professor, and she as a pioneer of the National Health Service. They had lived and died as a couple. They even selected together the music to be played at their funeral. People like the Körners can put you off the very idea of suicide!