When I subscribed to Flash Art last year, I requested to be listed as a London art critic in the Art Diary, also published by Giancarlo Politi. This is perhaps the most authoritative source of information about the art world as a whole, and it comes practically free to the magazine’s subscribers. To my disappointment, I was not listed at all. When I subscribed to Flash Art this year, I repeated my request, and I threatened not to subscribe to the art magazine ever again if my wish was not granted. The last edition of Art Diary just arrived. At first I thought I was not listed once again, but then I discovered that my name was transposed in the listing of London art critics: my first name appears as my second and vice versa. The publisher’s revenge.

Addendum I (August 25, 2000)

Regardless of how my name is spelled in the Art Diary, I now get all sorts of things, both by snail-mail and electronic-mail, that are meant for art critics only. Given the special status that London has been enjoying much of this decade, I get mail from all around the globe. Not surprisingly, many artists, gallerists, and curators out there are doing their best to ingratiate themselves with those who are the supposed arbiters of the contemporary art scene. And all it takes is to subscribe to Flash Art and call oneself an art critic. One needs a London address, as well, but that is not that hard to come by. If the artists here and elsewhere would only take this little step toward glory!

Addendum II (August 30, 2000)

This morning I sent this piece and the first addendum to my art world list, which now numbers close to one-hundred electronic-mail addresses. “Yes,” wrote back Billy Childish, “but who in their right mind would want someone to mistake them for an art critic?” As an attachment to his message, he sent me a Stuckist critique of the art critics, entitled “The Decrepitude of the Critic.” The second of nineteen points of this manifesto rings a bell: “The critic needs to have as much integrity, independence, and daring as an artist should have—unfortunately neither of them do.” Yes, who in their right mind would want someone to mistake them for an artist, either?

Addendum III (June 30, 2001)

The last twist to this story is funny. Thrice funny, too. First, I was surprised to find this year’s Art Diary in today’s post. Although I have not subscribed to Flash Art this year, Giancarlo sent me the Diary. Second, my first and second name are turned around correctly and listed among London’s art critics, but my address is in Reading. Reading is treated as a part of London, correctly again. Third, the listing includes the Web address of my Residua, the repository of all my forays into art criticism, including the criticism of art critics. Once and for all, Giancarlo is forgiven for his sins!

Addendum IV (July 4, 2001)

Only this morning I discovered that there is a new error in the Art Diary listing: my Web address is not www.residua.com but www.residua.org. If one goes to the former, one discovers that it is about sustainable waste management. As I wrote more than a year ago (”Ditto,” March 4, 2000), this is a felicitous connection, indeed. Back then I had no idea the Art Diary would make this virtual connection palpably real. I hope this is indeed the very last twist to this long story.