I very much agree with you that there is “a strong whiff of cultural nationalism in the way the Tate Modern is being written about in Britain” (“For Art’s Sake,” May 13, 2000), but I would not go so far as to suspect jingoism in the Tate’s challenge of the “canonical approach” of the Museum of Modern Art in New York and other museums of contemporary art across the globe. The Tate’s challenge is genuine and very much needed in view of the fractured and fractious art history. It remains to be seen whether the Tate’s themes—the body, landscape, still life, etc.—will survive scrutiny, but the canonical approach certainly deserves a challenge. And the Tate will make history by that challenge alone.

Addendum I (May 13, 2000)

Pippa was with Lauren when I arrived to Artesian Road yesterday afternoon. Lauren was on her computer and Pippa was reclining on the sofa next to her. Together, they spelled leisure and comfort. They went to yoga together half-an-hour later. Actually, before yoga they went for a steam bath. Ever since Pippa visited Lauren in Los Angeles, where she started a thing with Lauren’s brother Charles, the two of them are even closer than before.

Anyway, when they left, I started reading The Economist, which arrived by post yesterday morning. Having read the article about the Tate, I immediately wrote this piece. Then and there, I decided to send it to the editor via Lauren’s electronic-mail system. I use it very rarely, and so I fumbled a bit before I found my bearings. I opened a few of her messages, at first by mistake. It did not take me long to learn that Lauren was pining for a guy in Los Angeles. She was in love with someone else.

His name is Craig. I registered that name as soon as Lauren and the children returned from the States. She always referred to him in a special sort of way. Pippa is in on Lauren’s secret, of course. In one of her messages Pippa commends Lauren for her tone with Craig, having read Lauren’s message to him: “You say what you have to say without cloying or getting wet.” To my surprise, I was not surprised. This time around I did have a feeling there was a man back home, as it were.

Having sent my letter to the editor of The Economist, I turned on my mobile phone, which is almost always turned off, and sent Lesley a message to arrange another fuck. The last one was the night before the family’s return. I offered her Tuesday morning. A little while later she wrote back, saying that Tuesday morning was fine if I did not mind a little bit of blood. I wrote back that I did not mind it in the least. So, Tuesday morning it is.

Addendum II (May 14, 2000)

Lauren has been so wonderful the last few days that I am literally stumped. She is not only behaving well, acting more or less like a woman, that is, but she is also offering and promising all sorts of things, implying marriage eternal. Is she really trying to get me back? Or is she trying to make sure that our marriage does not come apart a little too early for her other plans?

The only explanation for the sudden change is far-fetched, to be sure. The evening I discovered the correspondence with and about Craig we went out for dinner. Pippa was still with us. At some point, Dorian mentioned an occasion in Los Angeles when Lauren was crying for a long time. “Maybe your mother was in love,” I suggested sweetly. No-one commented, but Lauren told me later that she was hurt: “Why did you tell Dorian I could have been in love with someone else?” I protested, correctly, that I did not mention anyone else. It is interesting that she heard me mention “someone else,” but I did not pursue it. “Perhaps you were in love with me!” I said stupidly and pinched her bottom.

By that time Lauren knew that I had used her electronic-mail system because she received an acknowledgement of the receipt of my message from The Economist. Maybe she surmised her privacy had been invaded. At any rate, she has been wonderful with me ever since. I have reciprocated in kind. However, it has not crossed my mind to call off my date with Lesley. Her pussy will only add to the good cheer that seems to be spreading around.

Addendum III (May 15, 2000)

Gabrielle Rifkind noticed today that Lauren was unusually sure of herself, confident in her words, unwavering in her feelings. She asked me whether I, too, had noticed it. I said I did. However, every time I referred to Lauren’s new strength, I mentioned in passing that I was not aware of its origin. “Whatever the reason for it,” I would say, “Lauren does feel different ever since her return from Los Angeles.” I thought of Craig, of course, but Lauren apparently did not pick up this repeated hint.

Addendum IV (May 16, 2000)

Lauren was so sweet and loving this morning that I started feeling guilty about my meeting with Lesley almost as soon as I woke up. When I had a chance, I turned on my mobile phone in hope that I would find a message from Lesley telling me that we could not get together this morning. The arrangement was that I come over around ten. I was surprised to find nothing from her, though. She did not respond to my message yesterday evening, confirming the time of my arrival.

Lauren and I took Maya to her nursery school and then I departed toward Paddington. I walked around the block and followed Lauren for a while to make sure she went home. I did not want her to surprise me while entering Lesley’s street—a cul-de-sac off Westbourne Grove I had no reason to be taking half-an-hour after my supposed departure for Reading. It was fifteen to ten when I started calling Lesley on her mobile phone. It just rang and rang. I was disappointed a bit, but I was also hopeful that she was not at home.

After the third call a few minutes before ten I made up my mind to abandon my date with Lesley. As I started walking toward Paddington again, I felt deep relief. I felt clean. I felt chaste. I walked ever faster, ever more determined to reach Reading as soon as possible. That is how sentimental I really am.

Addendum V (May 17, 2000)

There is one thing that keeps going through my mind about yesterday morning. Lauren was sweet, indeed. She played with my erect penis while we were lounging in bed and talking. Her hand felt good, too. “Would you like to put it in?” she asked when she was about to get up. Uncharacteristically, I declined. I knew she had a bad outbreak of herpes, which she got from me a week or two after we met. As I did not have any condoms with me, I did not want to pass the misery to Lesley. To wit, I was protecting my morning fuck from my very wife. This pitiful thought has been rattling in my mind ever since.

Addendum VI (August 28, 2000)

There were many moments, periods when I was not so sure Lauren’s relationship with Craig was all that serious. Whenever she would be nice with me, and especially when she would behave like a woman, my woman, I would push Craig to the side, if not out of my mind entirely. This is why it is important that I have found evidence showing that Lauren and Craig were pretty close to getting involved the last time she was in Los Angeles. Just before she joined me in Slovenia, on July 27, she sent him an electronic-mail message with the following paragraph:

When I met you in April, I realized that one could not fill a broken vessel, a shard. You were right not to want to get involved. And it is still not the time. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Maybe it’s because I’m coming out and I want you to know where things stand, as well as that I want you to know that I do not expect anything from you. I’d like to see you, to continue to build a friendship. And I feel that a few words needed to be said to set the stage.

Earlier on, she said she would do whatever she could to save our marriage and/or our long-term relationship. Anyway, the strong whiff of an affair with Craig, which I had from the very moment she returned from Los Angeles at the beginning of May, was correct. There is no doubt about it. It is clear that I should doubt all the doubts that come over me when she is especially nice. My mind stops working when she opens her legs. When I only remember how we made love the first day we were together in Slovenia this summer! She was so wonderful I pushed Craig out of my mind once again. Luckily, I found Lauren’s message as soon as she left for Los Angeles in mid-August. Predictably, I took no time to arrange a nice little fuck with Lesley.