As I do almost every day, I just went to the online edition of The Guardian, one of my favorite newspapers on the planet. The first part of the website goes by the name of “Headlines,” and it comes with today’s date attached. Ten items were on offer a short while ago, four of which came with small pictures attached. Here goes:

Turkey: Two Marxist women open fire at US consulate in Istanbul

UK: Lithuanian migrants trafficked to UK egg farms sue “worst gangmaster ever”

Ferguson, Missouri: Man critically injured in police shooting at anniversary rally

Ebola: Sierra Leone celebrates lifting of ban on public gatherings

UK: Court drops extradition case against Rwandan spymaster

Sweden: Two dead after knife attack at IKEA store

China: Desperate hunt for Li Heping, missing human rights warrior

Spain: Artists flood the streets of Madrid with Greek drachma

Japan: Shinzo Abe to include word “apology” in World War II speech

Israel: Jewish activists launch crowdfunding appeal to breed perfect red heifer

Having glanced through the above headlines, I decided to leave the website without much ado. Which is what I did. But the first thought that came to my mind as soon as I closed my laptop was kind of interesting. What would a Martian do upon glancing through the above headlines? He or she would decide to leave this planet without much ado. Lucky Martian!

Addendum I (August 12, 2015)

Remembering this piece, I just revisited The Guardian and checked the Headlines section of the online newspaper. Once again, I found ten items from all around the globe. At first sight, many of the items are even less appealing than they were only a couple of days ago. And some are outright frightening, too. Here goes:

Greece: Aid worker says situation out of control as migrants locked in stadium on Kos

China: Currency devaluation could spark “tidal wave of deflation”

Iran: Government refuses to free student activist Bahareh Hedayat after six years in jail

US: Republican presidential hopefuls reap sixty-two-million dollars from donors with fossil fuel ties

Europe: Russia and NATO war games increase risk of real clash, report says

Italy: Pornhub may face legal action over Parmigiano-Reggiano ad

Ferguson, Missouri: White militiamen roam with rifles while black men falsely arrested

US: Hillary Clinton handing over personal electronic-mail server to Justice Department

South Africa: Teachers oppose plan to offer Mandarin lessons from age nine

Egypt: Islamic State of Syria and Iraq posts image purportedly of beheaded Croatian man

Having glanced through the above headlines, I decided to leave the website one more time. But I could not but remember the good old Martian once again. Upon glancing through these headlines, he would surely step on the gas in his spacecraft. This forlorn planet would look ever smaller in his rearview mirror. Out of the blue, a sigh would escape the Martian’s lips.

Addendum II (August 15, 2015)

Third time lucky, or so I nudged myself when I just went to the online edition of The Guardian. One more time, there were exactly ten items in the Headlines section. This time around, I had hard time making any comparisons between the three lists, but I was overcome with discomfort once again. The discomfort was kind of nauseating, as well. Here goes:

China: Tianjin police order mass evacuations amid further explosions

UK: Queen leads service on seventieth anniversary of war’s end

US: American Kayla Mueller raped by ISIS leader before her death, officials say

Brazil: Eighteen killed in São Paulo’s deadliest massacre this year

Europe: Greece secures third bailout after Germany backs down

US: Ohio zoo takes cubs of bear euthanized after Yellowstone hiker killed and eaten

UK: Mother jailed after branding smiley face on baby’s cheek with cigarette lighter

North Korea: Military threatens to destroy South’s propaganda loudspeakers

Japan: Emperor strikes more apologetic tone than Abe over World War II

UK: Jeremy Corbyn is most popular among voters from all parties, poll suggests

Having left the website for the third and hopefully the last time, I remembered the lucky Martian. In the meanwhile, all the interest in the erstwhile destination had evaporated for good. The latest headlines were as good as irrelevant as the spacecraft kept gathering speed. All I could still hear from the Martian’s lips was barely audible humming. There was an odd rhythm to it, too. Everything was hunky-dory, it appeared.