Another brush with depression. And another taste of freedom from all daft things. If my reading of depression is right, it is but a pointer toward true freedom.

Addendum I (February 15, 2012)

The drive to go it alone is enormous. All my efforts to become one with a woman have been fruitless. The cherished union remains unreachable. Tantra, schmantra. And thus I long to end all my efforts. I am ever more eager to liberate myself from all the baggage. Enough! Enlightenment for two is not on offer, anyhow.

Addendum II (February 16, 2012)

Is there anything to add to this account of my last dip into the void? I am not sure about the answer, but I feel obliged to report that my love for my beloved is enormous. And it is only growing. Am I therefore on the road to yet another brush with depression? The best I can say at this point is that I certainly hope not. But I also understand that I will have to do my best to keep us on an even keel. Most important, I must refrain from putting unreasonable demands on our union. If there is a path forward, it surely is neither straight nor fast. Still, it is a path to the union. To my relief, I feel that my beloved is with me on all this. And she understands pretty well how painful my last dip into the void actually was. Love is the greatest mystery of all.