Vladimir Nazor’s tale about Veli Jože—that is, Big Joe—is a famous one in these parts. It is a story about Slavs forever toiling under Venetians in Motovun, of all places. The narrative goes through five easy stages. Veli Jože, a powerful giant, slaves along diligently at first. He is a good guy. Then he is taken to Venice by some Venetian overlord, and there he meets another giant on his way. He, too, is a Slav. Before dying, the other giant tells Veli Jože that he should do his utmost to become free. Next, Veli Jože returns to Motovun, where he stages a rebellion. Among other giants of the same origin, he moves to a neighboring hill. There they strike gold, and their Venetian masters of old start working for them.

Alas, the Slavic giants are unable to work together. Eventually, Veli Jože has a fight with them, and he kills two other giants in a big fight. After a quick return to Motovun, he departs for good. The end. Oh, shit! Is that really all? First, the tale is nigh incoherent. Second, it is boring as hell. Third, it is far from the historical facts. Slavs are not exactly giants, to be sure, but Venetians eventually retreat from Motovun. On top of everything, Slavs never leave these parts. As witnessed by Croatia and Slovenia, both full-fledged countries, they are actually triumphant.

In short, Nazor is a pitiful writer, to say the least, and he is an even more pitiful forecaster of geopolitical events. If only his Veli Jože ousted the Venetians from Motovun and moved in for good! In 1908, when the tale was first published under the auspices of the Austro-Hungarian empire, Nazor could not even imagine such a feat of the Slavs. True, this was well beyond fiction back then. To wit, the story of poor Veli Jože deserves to be rewritten by another, much more adroit, writer. And the fight among giants would surely offer the most succulent bit of the narrative. Nazor would be horrified, no doubt whatsoever. As I write, he is already turning in his grave.