I have long adopted a simple solution to the post-urination drip: a length of toilet paper into which I wrap my penis afterwards (”On Some Causes and Remedies of Post-Urination Drip,” May 10, 1995). Neat and clean, this habit makes my underpants last longer than usual, too. As of late, I have adopted a simple way to clean my pipe after smoking: the very same length of toilet paper from my underpants. When nobody looks, I reach for it as quickly and discretely as I can. Only my beloved knows what I am doing, but she keeps quiet about it in public. Neat and clean, this habit makes my pockets free of all the debris that pipe-smoking usually entails. Just like penises, pipes can drip quite badly, as well. Proud as I am of my diaper, I cannot but report its other and most innovative use. I am sure that men my age would appreciate both habits if only they gingerly took my bold lead. I will keep mum about it, I promise.