According to my beloved, I am not only a master of manipulation of everyone around me, but also a master of manipulation of my own self. In other words, I am a master of self-manipulation, too. Although I understand that this is not meant as a compliment, but rather as a criticism, I cannot but think of it in the most positive light. Making oneself is perforce a form of manipulation, and yet I think of it as the highest form of art. And I can still think of myself as an artist only in this sense. Making myself is my own art, as it were. Returning to my beloved, all this is sheer gibberish. Self-manipulation at its very zenith, that is. The trouble is that my beloved gets pretty annoyed at any mention of art. Alas, artists are often misunderstood!

Addendum I (May 18, 2014)

When I showed my beloved what I had written, she just shook her head. “You spend so much time fooling around with yourself that you have no time left for yourself,” she said. And then she started laughing. She laughed and laughed for quite some time, as though she was onto the truth itself. Her pronouncement was quite beguiling, but her laughter was no less than mesmerizing. Perhaps she was onto something for true.

Addendum II (March 12, 2017)

As of late, my beloved berates me for my rationality and pragmatism ever more often. Everything I do is carefully planned and even more carefully executed. All too carefully, she would argue. Although she has not mentioned self-manipulation for quite a while, she would surely consider me exceedingly rational and pragmatic in manipulation of my own self, as well. And she would be right, I reckon. How else to understand my liberation early last year? Abandoning thought at will and for as long as I wish cannot but belong to self-manipulation. To begin with, embarking upon it undoubtedly requires a great deal of rationality and pragmatism. And then it requires loads and loads of dogged practice. Dogged is the word, too. One way or another, my beloved is onto something, no doubt. A master of self-manipulation I definitely am. Hooray!