I have been burping and farting as long as I can remember, but it has gotten worse the last year or so. I have been suffering from a bloated stomach, and the bloating is at its peak in the evening. That is when burping and farting also gets pretty bad. Although I always feel sorry for my beloved, I let myself go on medical grounds, as it were. She occasionally cringes when I get really loud, but she rarely complains. As she is not with me this evening, I was looking forward to letting myself go. To my disappointment, which is gradually turning into annoyance, my burps are barely noticeable, and I do not fart at all. My stomach is as bloated as ever, though. What the hell is going on? Could it be that my beloved is my burping and farting muse? This sounds no less than bizarre, but I have long noticed that I have hard time burping or farting precisely when she gives me a chance by stepping out of the room where I happen to be. On her return, everything goes back to normal, and I let it rip. As I do not have any other explanation for my proclivities, this hypothesis is worth testing in all seriousness. One way or another, I have no doubt that I will be burping and farting without any trouble around this time tomorrow evening, when we will be reunited after her trip. My muse will be nigh.