It is amazing how often one comes across the LGBT acronym nowadays. And even in the boondocks, like Croatia. Having just spotted it in one of the leading Croatian newspapers, I had no doubt about the first two letters, but I struggled with the third. “Bisexual,” I figured it out after some guessing. I was kind of sure about the fourth letter, but I was wrong about it, for I thought it stood for “transvestite.” Realizing that there was much to learn about the LGBT acronym, I searched for it on the World Wide Web, and I discovered that the fourth letter actually stood for “transgender,” which is about sex change. Oopsy daisies.

But I also learned that the acronym was LGB at first, that the fourth letter got added after much debate, and that there is some pressure now to stretch it to LGBTI, where the fifth letter stands for “intersex.” Apparently, many people do not feel like being either male or female, and thus they insist that they belong to the third gender. It did not take me long to extend the acronym to seven characters, LGBTISO, where the sixth letter would stand for “selfsex” and the seventh for “omnisex.” The first of these may be called masturbation or self-pleasuring, but I still prefer the new term. Similarly, the second term may be called sodomy or bestiality, but I prefer the new term on account of its lack of bias. Assuming, of course, no harm to animals.

To the best of my understanding of sexual relationships, the seven-letter acronym rounds off all possibilities of non-heterosexual relationships. If any other possibilities exist, I would gladly extend it. But I am a proponent of such relationships for one reason only: no procreation. As my subversion recipe shows, this is an essential ingredient of bringing this civilization down without any fuss or bother (“A Recipe for Foolproof Subversion,” May 14, 2013). No procreation, no trouble down the road. Period. In my mind, LGBTISO signals the end of this civilization quite splendidly. Indeed, most conspicuously. Hooray!