I have been daydreaming for years about the ideal space to exhibit my paintings, preferably all of them at once. Given their identical dimensions, this would be easy enough to arrange. Predictably, it would be a cube, which I like to think of as my last abode. The access would be through the floor, so that the array of paintings on each of the four walls would not be spoiled by a door no matter how tiny. Now that my Cave Art Now cycle is complete, the dimensions of the cube can be determined with great precision. I know that I have around three-hundred and twenty paintings, which means that there would be eighty of them on every wall. If ten paintings would be placed on each batten, eight battens of the same length would go on each wall. As ten paintings in a row with spaces between them measure five meters, the cube would need to be five meters wide and five meters high. Eight battens with paintings on them would be about three meters tall, thus leaving sufficient space from the lowest batten to the floor and from the highest one to the ceiling. The ideal space to exhibit all of my paintings at once is thus complete. Painted white just like the battens, it would be a perfect tomb. Come to think of it, perhaps it would not need any access through the floor, either.

Addendum I (December 9, 2016)

Although the last sentence of this piece was added half in jest, now it strikes me as no less than central. Actually, imperative. The cube five meters wide and high must not have any access whatsoever. And it ought to be thoroughly cleansed from all insects, funguses, and bacteria. The best place for the tomb would be deep under ground, preferably in the flank of a tall and sturdy mountain. The tunnel leading up to it ought to be filled in with concrete, and its entrance ought to be masterfully disguised. Indeed, how could a tomb be perfect if it were not entirely inaccessible? As well as impossible to locate. My paintings do not crave any admirers, anyway.

Addendum II (April 3, 2018)

Well, well. A perfect tomb deserves a better place than a flank of a tall and sturdy mountain on planet earth. In retrospect, I would go for an uninhabited planet orbiting another star many lightyears away. My paintings would need some refurbishing to fit the planet’s atmosphere, but the cube five meters wide and high would remain the same. Entirely inaccessible in every sense of that word, the tomb would be just to my taste. Perfect!