When you carefully observe humans, as I have been doing for nearly a decade now, you reach the annoying conclusion that they are best described by the ever-changing list of Christian vices: vanity, avarice, lust, stupidity, wrath, gluttony, envy, pride, sloth… But no need to be annoyed. After all, the Christian church has had ample time to learn about its vicious subjects.

Addendum (June 10, 2016)

My fascination with fellow humans has never left me. Several years after this piece was written, I returned to the Christian vices with renewed gusto (“SALIGIA,” March 26, 2013). A couple of years later, I went for the vices listed by other religions (“Toward a Definition of a Human Being,” June 28, 2015). Although there are some interesting variations across various lists, the seven Christian vices offer a reasonably good definition of a human being. And so does the old Latin mnemonic: SALIGIA. I recommend it most fervently. Whenever, dealing with humans, it is good to keep this age-old definition in mind. And a definition it definitely is, for virtues are best forgotten. Virtues are for the birds, to be sure. At best, many a heartburn will thus be skirted well ahead of time.