Among the many supplements in The Guardian today, one finds a free (sic) coloring book for children featuring more than thirty British artists of renown. There is an entire page per artist. The range is pretty wide: from David Hockney and Paula Rego to Damien Hirst and the Chapmans. On the back cover we learn that this slim “book” was produced for Children’s Art Day 2003. Wow! Besides, UNICEF will receive a hundred-thousand copies for schoolchildren in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Ivory Coast. Lucky kids! So far, so impressive. Until you see the “art,” that is. The range is pretty narrow: from banal and vapid to dull and trite. Most of the black-and-white drawings are amateurish to boot. The artists of renown cannot draw, to put it bluntly. However, there is one good thing about the coloring book: it is a true record of British art in 2003. To wit, there ain’t no such thing.