I dreamt that my penis was cut in half. I do not know why or how this had happened, but the stump was already partially healed when I first saw it in my dream. Slightly swollen, or perhaps erect, it looked like a perfect cylinder. It was cut straight through. The cut was very neat. I was carrying around the other half, which was already drained of all blood. Both the stump and the piece that was cut off were enormous. The piece I was carrying around was the size, weight, and consistency of a raw lamb roast. I do not remember seeing the head of my penis, though. Around the edge of the stump there was some shrivelled skin. The open cut itself was dark red, almost purple, like a well-aged beef steak. Strangely, I was not worried about any of this. Perhaps I was simply dazed by my loss. I remember nothing else except that I was trying to imagine how the lumpy stump, a sizeable hunk of flesh, would feel inside a woman, and how she would experience its sharp edge rubbing against the walls of her vagina.

Addendum (January 12, 2000)

Keiko had not responded to several of my messages early this year, and I started worrying that I had annoyed her by sending her this piece. I also knew that she would be busy packing up her place in Tokyo for her impending trip to London, where she will stay for an indefinite period. Her belated message just arrived. Among other things, she writes:

Thank you for all your messages as well as the piece of hatsu-yume, New Year’s first dream. We Japanese have a saying that the first dream will come true. So, watch out for someone like Nagisa Oshima’s Abe Sada.

I am often struck by the refinement of Japanese culture. Hatsu-yume is a good example of it. How many languages would have a term of this precision to describe the dream world? However, luckily for me, this dream was not the first of the year. I will have to write back to Keiko as soon as possible and send her my first dream, written up in the piece entitled “Filling Up” (January 3, 2000).