A curious thing happened last night. It will take me some time to understand what actually happened, to fully digest it. Still, I wish to capture this moment of uncertainty and confusion. After work, I went to London to see Keiko. I was with her from about six to eleven. We had dinner she had cooked before I arrived and then we made love. Because we were not together for about a month, she bled a bit again. Our lovemaking was incredible. It was truly amazing. We made love for some two hours. “How come you are so good?” she sighed a few times after she came for the last time. But then Keiko became angry. She got angrier and angrier. “I do not want to have an affair with a married man,” she kept repeating. Her eyes flashed at me in a way I could not even imagine. As the stereotype goes, he was beautiful naked and angry. “I made a mistake,” she kept repeating, “but I do not want to see you ever again.” It was over, she insisted. What we are doing is wrong, she insisted. It should not have happened. At first she wanted me to leave, but then she wanted me to stay and spend the night with her, as I was originally prepared to do. She even wanted to make love to me again, but I decided to leave so as not to anger her any more, which only made her even more angry. In the end, she pushed me out of her place and slammed the door in my face. As the door flew toward me, I just stood there, pleading with her till the last moment: “Keiko, please…” I was back in Reading before midnight. Despondent, I could not even think through what had happened. To my surprise, I had a good night’s sleep. My thoughts returned to her as soon as I woke up. I thought of her the entire day. I know it is useless to call her, though. It is useless to write to her. She has kicked me out, and that is that. Keiko is stubborn like a mule.

Addendum I (April 12, 2000)

I was wrong. Keiko sent me an electronic-mail message the next day. I found it in my office only today. She is apologizing for her behavior, but she still does not want to see me any more. She is not sure how she became so upset, but she thinks this was triggered by my words: “I can’t give you what you want.” My words broke her heart, she says. Keiko closes her message with a nice touch, though. She admits that she has never experienced lovemaking like ours. I responded immediately, of course. Most important, I insist that there is no reason for her to apologize. I insist on my love for her, which I feel very strongly. And I insist on our friendship, which must never be broken. I close by thanking her for her closing paragraph. I hope this unhappy episode will soon be behind us.

Addendum II (August 27, 2000)

Well, I was not wrong. She did not respond to my message about friendship. Months passed. Several weeks ago I sent her another message about friendship. After a while she responded, repeating all her arguments. In essence, she either wants me to herself or not at all. She has to protect herself if I cannot make up my mind. To my delight, she admitted once again that she missed our lovemaking, but that she was still adamant about not wishing any more of the same. Seeing that we are moving in circles, I did not respond for a few days. I was busy, too, but I was also at a loss about my own response. However, I kept her on my electronic-mail art-world list. Having received a few of my circular messages about art, she sent me a short message saying that she did not want to be on that list any longer. Rather than responding to her, I took her off the list as soon as I read her message. And that is the end of the story, I presume. A great pity, though, for she was simply incredible in bed. The best ever.