Things are as they are, I keep reminding myself. There is nothing left for me to do. I have tried many different things, but to no avail. Everything remains just as it has always been in spite of all my efforts. Indeed, the world is the same as when I started. There are many changes, and some of them are to my credit, as it were, but they are not even worth mentioning at this stage. Deep down, the world has been the same for untold centuries, and maybe even millennia. All the while, the many efforts to change it have been utterly in vain. And this is how things will remain no matter what happens next. Although I am not content with this world, I am content with the realization that this world is beyond my ability to change it for the better.

I am as I am, I keep reminding myself. There is little if anything I can do to make myself better in any sense of that word. I have tried all sorts of things, but without any palpable success. I have changed a lot over the years, but the changes are best forgotten, for they do not amount to anything of true and lasting worth. Untold humans are alive in my mind and body, and I am hardly worth talking about in view of their multitudes.  For better or worse, thousands upon thousands of generations are embedded in me. I cannot be content with myself, but I am content with the realization that I am beyond the ability to change myself for the better.

Enlightenment is my only goal, I keep reminding myself. I cannot do anything about it, though. I cannot push it or force it. I cannot achieve it by any sort of cunning, either. The best I can do is to keep it in my mind at all times and let everything else take its course. In the meanwhile, I can keep doing my best to still my mind. That is, to keep the monkeys in my brain in line. I can let them play at their will every now and then, but never for too long. Or too far from my watchful eye. Even though I can go without a single thought for quite a while, I eventually succumb to idle thoughts time after time. I am not yet content with my prowess at stilling my mind, but I am surely content with the realization that I am ever better at it, as well as ever closer to my goal. Or so I keep reminding myself, again.